“Hey Gorda, how much did that cost?”

A picture update is following this post, so click older posts to see it.

I don’t mean for this post to sound like a rant, at all really.  I am really just posting because it is something I deal with here of which my United States upbringing has made it difficult to adjust.  They are things I wonder if I will ever adjust to in just 2 years.

Something that I don’t think I will ever get used to?  …Being asked, “How much did that cost?”  I never really feel comfortable answering, let alone answering honestly.  My answer is almost always about 80% of the actual price.  Either way it elicits some kind of response alluding to the expensiveness of the purchase (yes expensiveness is a word, I looked it up) or the lack of a need for the purchase.  I always come away feeling like I need to defend myself.  However, I feel like, to some extent, this is good for me.  People are entitled to their opinions, just as I am entitled to mine.  It is important to care about what other people think of you and your decisions, but maybe I care just a little too much.  So what if they have a differing opinion about something as little as something I bought?  There is a reason(s) I bought it and that should be enough for me.  Now, I say that, but let’s by honest… I’m going to continue feeling awkward about it.  Maybe little by little I can allow that new mentality to sink in.  Enough of being self reflective, now on to another topic.

            What I am still confused about is referencing someone’s weight.  My level understanding of this continues to progress (progress in a circle).  We were prepped during training that the talk of weight would be much more open here than it is in the United States.  My first host parents often referred to each other as “Gordo(a)” in an endearing way.  Gordo means fat.  I always figured it was something that was sort of open to talk about.  At least, that is always what I told myself when people here in PVM kept telling me that I was getting fatter, even people that I am not particularly friends with.  Or the basketball coach telling some of the girls that they need to “eat less rice and work out more” (which no matter what the deal is with talking about weight, I will never think is ok).  So after a bunch of scenarios as such, a couple of situations started changing my perception about the openness of weight discussion.

            First, my counterpart and I were at a community planning some activities, talking to the teachers.  I had finished my business with them and was watching the Christmas festivities.  I looked over at him after the teacher he was speaking with walked away.  He looked horrified, so I asked him what was up.  He accidentally poked her in the stomach with his pencil, so he said “Oh I’m sorry, gotta watch out for the baby”.  Now I know you’re probably thinking ooohh no because you already know what happened.  However, she had juust recently had her child.  My counterpart had just forgotten that she had probably already had it, which she had.  As he recounted this to me, I was surprised by his degree of dread.  I said something along the lines of, “But I thought it isn’t an insult to call someone fat here.”  He said, “No it absolutely is.” Waaiiitt what?  So I shouldn’t feel bad for crying that time my host mother found a way to call my fat in over a handful of ways in less than 3 sentences?  I was confused.

            Then, one afternoon I was chatting with my host brothers.  We were talking about Kevin’s new girlfriend and his ex.  His ex was not the nicest girl.  She broke up with him saying that her father wouldn’t allow her to date anyone, but really she was dating someone else.  As we were talking about her I said, “Yeah she is fatter than your new girlfriend.” I wasn’t trying to be mean in any way and it was definitely in context.  Jokingly, he put his fists up like he wanted to fight me.  Once again, I said, “but I thought it isn’t mean to call someone fat.”  He said, “It is”.  Then he elaborated, if you are friends with someone, then you have the right to call them fat, but if you are not friends with them, you cannot say anything about their weight.

            So basically, now, I am lost.  I don’t know what the proper etiquette is.  All I know is that I will refrain from trying to fit in by referencing someone’s fatness.  That’s another thing I wish I could change about myself.  I wish I didn’t scrutinize my body so much.  I wish I weren’t so easily affected by someone’s comments about my body, but I am.  I don’t think I am alone on that.